How Watching Movies Together Can Help Your Relationship
In a world of expensive therapy sessions and intensive relationship workshops, what if one of the most effective ways to strengthen your relationship was already sitting in your Netflix queue?
Movies and Discussions Can Help Relationships
Let me in on a little secret. Watching movies together and having structured discussions afterward can be just as effective as traditional couples therapy in reducing divorce and separation rates.
The Study Breakdown
The researchers recruited 174 engaged or newlywed couples and randomly assigned them to one of four groups:
CARE (Compassionate and Accepting Relationships Through Empathy): A skills-based program focusing on active listening and empathy training
PREP (Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program): A conflict management training program
Movie-and-discussion group: Couples watched relationship-centered movies and discussed them afterward using guided questions
Control group: This group received no intervention.
The Three Intervention Groups Had Similar Outcomes
The couples were followed up for three years. Results showed that all three intervention groups had significant reductions in divorce and separation rates compared to the control group. The divorce/separation rate was:
11% for the CARE group
11% for the PREP group
11% for the movie-and-discussion group
24% for the control group
And yes…you read that correctly. The group that simply watched and discussed movies was as effective as the more specialized counseling programs.
Why Does It Work?
Great question, and researchers are mixed on the reason for this. One key point, however, is the movie-watching intervention was not simply passive entertainment. The couples had to engage in guided discussions about the movie and reflect on their own relationships.
In other words, the movie treatment works, because it forces couples to take time out of their busy lives and discuss their relationship. The discussions prompt couples to:
Identify problematic relationship patterns they see in the films
Look for similarities to their own relationship
Discuss potential improvements without the defensiveness that might arise in a counseling session
How to Try This at Home
Interested in giving this approach a try? Here's a simplified version of the process used in the study.
Watch one movie per week followed by a discussion period for one month.
Select a relationship-focused film. The study used movies like Steel Magnolias, Love Story,The Devil Wears Prada, or Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Avoid Disney movies as many of these are more romantic and miss larger elements of relationships
Watch the film together. Get the popcorn ready!
Discuss the relationship dynamics using the following questions below.
Movie Discussion Questions
1. What movie did you watch?
2. What was the main relationship portrayed in the movie? This is the relationship that you will focus on in the following questions.
3. What main problem(s) did this couple face? Are any of these similar to the problems that the two of you have faced or might face as a couple?
4. Did this couple strive to understand each other? Did they tend to accept one another, even if they were very different? Or did the couple tend to attack each others' differences?
In what way was this relationship similar to or different from your own relationship in this area?
5. Did the couple have a strong friendship with each other? Were they able to support each other through bad moods, stressful days, and hard times? Did they listen to each other like good friends? Did the couple in the movie do considerate or affectionate things for each other?
In what way was this relationship similar to or different from your own relationship in this area?
6. How did the couple handle arguments or differences of opinion? Were they able to open up and tell each other how they really felt, or did they tend to just snap at each other with anger? Did they try using humor to keep things from getting nasty? Did it feel like they were really trying to understand each other?
In what way was this relationship similar to or different from your own relationship in this area?
7. If the couple got into arguments, did they tend to become heated? Did the couple ever start attacking each other, getting increasingly mean and hostile? Did they end up saying things they didn't really mean? Once this started happening, how did the arguments tend to end?
In what way was this relationship similar to or different from your own relationship in this area?
8. When one of the partners brought up a problem, did they seem to do it in a constructive way (keeping things specific, explaining their feelings without attacking), or did it seem more like an attack? Did it seem like bringing up a problem became an assassination of the partner's character?
In what way was this relationship similar to or different from your own relationship in this area?
9. How did the couple in the movie handle hurt feelings? Did they apologize to each other? Did the apologies seem sincere? Did they tend to jump to negative conclusions when their feelings got hurt, or did they tend to give each other the benefit of the doubt?
In what way was this relationship similar to or different from your own relationship in this area?
10. Did the partners seem to have similar expectations of their relationship? Where did their expectations differ? Did it seem like they were aware of their own expectations? Were their expectations reasonable? Did they share their expectations with each other? In what way was this relationship similar to or different from your own relationship in this area?
11. What other things happened in the movie that might lead you to think differently about your relationship/marriage?
12. What other comments do you have about this movie?
The Power of Regular Relationship Check-ins
The dedicated time spent reflecting on relationship dynamics after watching the movie together is the key to this intervention. The movies are a non-threatening way to open meaningful conversations about expectations, communication styles, and how to resolve arguments.
Couples Counseling Can Still Help
In our search for relationship improvement, we often overlook simple solutions in favor of complex interventions. This research reminds us that meaningful connection sometimes comes through shared experiences and reflective conversations.
Even so, sometimes you still need help from a skilled couples counselor trained in scientifically backed approaches such as the Gottman Method or Emotionally Focused Counseling. Reach out today for a free 15-minute consultation today if you think you may still need some help with your relationship.