A Cognitive Distortions Primer. How to Tame All or Nothing Thinking.

What is All or Nothing Thinking?

This is also sometimes called dichotomous thinking and is a very common way of thinking among perfectionists. Essentially, this type of thinking leaves no grey area or middle ground. Examples of this would be “I found a typo on this article, so the entire blog post is ruined.” “While my goal was to work out five times this week, I completely failed given I only went four times.” “My boss found one mistake I made this week, so I am a complete failure at my work.”

When we think like this about ourselves, our work, and others in our lives, we typically end up feeling worse as there is little middle ground in how you will feel. Remember that HOW we think influences HOW we end up feeling. If we end up not allowing ourselves to see any middle ground, our emotions will follow that extreme. If you do this for several years, it can become an a deeper held belief about yourself that shapes how you interact with the world and others. This also begins to impact our your behavior or habits. For example, if you are working out and miss one day, you might think you completely failed and it is now a hopeless cause. Why continue?

Common All or Nothing Thinking Phrases

Many phrases we say or think to ourselves may be clues to all-or-nothing thinking. Think through some of the following and see if you can identify something you may say to yourself:

·      “I hate…”

·      “I always….”

·      “I can’t…”

·      “I don’t have a choice…”

·      “I never….”

·      “This totally…”

·      “Everyone is…”

·      “Everything can….”

In many cases, this type of thinking increases with certain professions where small mistakes can lead to huge consequences (e.g., dentists, investment professionals, attorneys, doctors, etc). While that can be true in many cases, it is not always the case every time for every person in every situation. And sometimes that type of thinking in one setting can start to move into other areas of our lives. For example, your all-or-nothing thinking in the corporate attorney world may not need to be the same in your son/daughter’s tee-ball game.

How to Reduce your All or Nothing Thinking

The good news is you can challenge this type of thinking with several different approaches. One common approach is to refocus from the all-or-nothing or black-and-white thinking to a continuum. Essentially, this is a written exercise that helps you think through the thought and identify some potential middle ground. Go grab a sheet of paper and a pen. If you find you have phrases that come up often, many find it helpful to write out the entire worksheet and keep a copy to come back to in the future.

Step 1: Draw a line in across the middle (do this landscape or length wise along the paper so you have more space to write).

Step 2: Identify an all-or-nothing thought you have in your life.

Step 3: Specify both ends of the continuum. What are the typical Yes/No or All/Nothing outcomes? Write these down on both ends leaving enough space in between the two for more thoughts.

Step 4: Now try to identify some thoughts that are in-between these extremes. Go ahead and brainstorm some ideas first. Once you have a list, pick three that can fit in-between the two extremes on the continuum.

Step 5: Review your continuum. Take a good close look at it. Are you fully at 0% or 100%? Or are you somewhere between? Make a mark of where you feel you are after really looking at your continuum.

Step 6: Now, once you have done that, try to rewrite you thought on the continuum. Typically, it will not be as extreme.

Step 7: Once you have completed that, look to see if any other all-or-nothing phrases come to mind. If so, write those down as well and repeat the process.

If you find yourself not able to find a middle ground or gray area, or do not feel this activity is helping you feel better, try not to get discouraged. If you have been thinking one way for a long time, it can take some work to move to a new way of thinking. Remember, even a 10% change in your feelings means this is effective.

In the meantime, if you want more personalized support for how to work through all-or-nothing thinking or other challenges, book your free consult with us. We have a lot of experience with cognitive behavioral therapy, and are here to help you.