Understanding Control Fallacies: You're Not Alone in This Common Thinking Pattern

The Hidden Struggle with Control

Have you ever caught yourself thinking "everything that goes wrong is completely my fault" or perhaps the opposite (e.g., "I'm totally helpless against whatever life throws at me")? These thoughts aren't random worries; rather, they are examples of what psychologists call control fallacies. These are far more common than most people realize. Let's shed some light on these often-misunderstood thinking patterns that many of us experience but rarely discuss.

What Are Control Fallacies?

Control fallacies are like wearing special glasses that distort how we see our role in life's events. They typically show up in two distinct but equally challenging ways: either we take on too much responsibility for everything around us (internal control fallacy) or feel entirely at the mercy of external forces (external control fallacy).

The Two Sides of the Coin

The Internal Control Fallacy

The internal control fallacy is that quiet voice that whispers, "I should have been able to prevent this" when a colleague's presentation doesn't go well, even though you had no part in its preparation. It's the weight you feel when a friend is having a bad day, and you automatically assume you must have done something wrong. This pattern of thinking can leave you carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, leading to unnecessary guilt and emotional exhaustion.

The External Control Fallacy

On the flip side, the external control fallacy might have you thinking, "Why even try? Everything is determined by luck/fate/other people anyway." This could show up as avoiding new opportunities because "things never work out," or believing that success is purely about being in the right place at the right time, discounting your own efforts and abilities.

Many People Struggle With This Type of Thought

These thoughts are incredibly common and fundamentally part of being human. Research in cognitive psychology shows that most people grapple with control fallacies at various points in their lives. Understanding this can be truly liberating – it's not a personal flaw or weakness, but rather a shared human experience that we can learn to navigate more effectively.

Finding the Middle Ground

Consider this: life operates in shades of gray, not black and white. While we can't control everything (like other people's choices or natural events), we also aren't completely powerless. The key is finding that middle ground where we can acknowledge both our influence and our limitations.

Practical Steps Forward

Here are some ways to start recognizing and managing control fallacies.

The "influence inventory" technique

When facing a situation, take a moment to list what aspects you can influence and what truly lies beyond your control. This simple exercise helps create a more balanced perspective.

Notice your language

Are you using phrases like "I should have known better" about things you couldn't possibly have predicted? Or perhaps "there's nothing I can do" about situations where you actually have some options? Our words often reveal our thinking patterns.

Experiment with different perspectives

 If a friend shared this situation with you, would you hold them responsible in the same way you're holding yourself? Or would you see opportunities for action where they see none?

The Power of Shared Experience

Remember, recognizing control fallacies in your thinking isn't about criticism or blame.  It's about understanding yourself better and developing a more nuanced view of life's complexities. It's about finding that sweet spot between accepting what you can't control and embracing what you can influence.

Many people find it particularly enlightening to discover that these thought patterns aren't unique to them. There's something powerful about realizing that what felt like a personal struggle is a shared human experience.

Taking the Next Step

If you find yourself frequently wrestling with control fallacies or other challenging thought patterns, know that support is available. Our experienced counselors specialize in cognitive behavior therapy.. We provide a safe, understanding space to explore these thoughts and develop practical strategies for managing them.

Ready to explore a more balanced way of thinking about control in your life? Reach out today for a supportive conversation with one of our experienced counselors. Together, we can work on developing a healthier perspective that acknowledges both your agency and its natural limits.