Feeling Like Depression is Taking Over Your Life? Externalize it and Narrate a New Life.
Depression can really take over our lives.
Sometimes in life it feels like we just can’t catch a break, or life just keeps hitting us when we are down. In some cases, we begin to wonder if there is something wrong with us. This is very common for people suffering from depression which starts to dominate all aspects of their life. On really bad days, we almost expect things to go wrong, because we start seeing ourselves as a depressed person rather than a person currently experiencing depressive feelings. Note the difference there?
When we start feeling depression is part of who we are as a person, there is a technique from Narrative Therapy that can potentially help us. This technique is called Externalizing the Problem and helps us separate yourself from the depression to eliminate blame, guilt, and judgment. In other words, you are not the problem, the problem is the problem.
Sound interesting? I think so too. Read on to see how to implement this in your life.
Step 1: Personify the Problem.
Attribute oppressive intentions and tactics to it. Give the Problem a name, "the Depression," or "the Black Hole,” or “the Pessimist.” Talk of the Problem as if it was a negative person in your life. Make the Problem a living and toxic person in your life. When you close your eyes, you can literally picture how they look, what they wear, how they look, how they speak to you.
Step 2: Some questions about the Problem.
Take some time to answer the following questions about the problem. Write these down rather than just think about them for maximum effectiveness.
How long has the problem been hanging out with you?
How long has the problem been lying to you?
When the Problem whispers in your ear, do you always listen?
How does the Problem bully you around?
Step 3: Build a case against the Problem.
Next, we want to build a case against the Problem. Investigate how the problem has been manipulating, disrupting, sabotaging, and ruining your life. Write out hurtful feelings that have resulted from the Problem’s influence, tactics it uses to discourage, and unhelpful habits the Problem has invited. Here are some specific questions to help get you started.
What kinds of tricks does the Problem use to alienate you from those you love?
What kind of lies has the Problem been telling you about your self-worth?
How has the Problem deceived you into behaviors you now regret?
Step 4: Scan your past for the real authentic you.
Now for the cool part (at least I think it is). For this part we look into your past for glimmers of where the Problem did not have influence over you. Also, were their times when the Problem was there, but you were able to stand up for yourself or not let it influence you? Spend some time allowing yourself to write down some of these memories. Why this part is so helpful is it gives you some ideas to rewrite your life going forward.
What's the longest time you stood up to the Problem?
When was the last time you didn't listen to the Problem's lies?
What is it about you that you were able to go on strike against the Problem?
How do you explain that you are the kind of person that would lodge a complaint against the Problem?
Step 5: Rewrite YOUR identity.
As you remember stories of standing up to the Problem or when it was not significant in your life, you are rewriting your identity. Gather details to tell a different story and accumulate more evidence for this new identity. Here are some helpful questions/ideas to get you started on rewriting your life.
What could others tell you about your past that would help you understand how you are now able to take these steps to stand up to the Problem so well?
Who knew you as a child who wouldn't be surprised that you've been able to reject the Problem as the dominant force in your life?
Now that a new story has been written, it is time to look toward the future and envision how the real you will act from now on.
As you continue to stand up to the Problem, what will be different about your future? Be specific.
As you continue to refuse to believe the lies the Problem tells you, how do you think that will affect your relationships with others?
Who needs to know that you've made a commitment to keep Mr. Problem from hanging around? When will you tell them?
See depression as external from you rather than you. Rewrite how you want to be going forward and see what happens.
We are here to help!
Depression can be a struggle to move past. Feel free to reach out to us here at Sequoia Counseling Group as we have a lot of experience in treating depression. We offer free 15-minute consultations with in-person and virtual options in Las Vegas. We also have virtual options in all of Nevada, California, Georgia, and Virginia.
Dr. Philip B. Gnilka is the Clinical Director and Founder of Sequoia Counseling Group, a boutique mental health practice that serves clients in Las Vegas, NV. His experience as a tenured professor in mentoring students about counseling approaches and theories reinforced his passion for helping individual clients directly. He specializes in anxiety, stress management, and perfectionism.