Social Anxiety Therapy - How Our Thoughts Get In the Way of Change
Many people experience a significant amount of anxiety or even fear when facing social situations. Many believe bigger scenarios such as giving a speech in front of a crowd or being a soloist at a concert are what triggers social anxiety.
But what many people do not realize is many individuals suffer from smaller more daily challenges. This is where it can really impact a person’s life. For example, many people might be afraid to speak up in a small meeting at work, worried others won’t take them seriously, or think they are viewed as stupid. Others may find themselves having difficultly using public bathrooms, even going so far as to endure periods of discomfort until they are home! And if you’re finding yourself on a date, feeling the pressure to not only be interesting but stay focused on the conversation can backfire quickly.
One bad experience leads to wondering what is wrong with us and, even worse, people see it too! We start to avoid other social situations even when we want to feel connected to others. If left untreated, we start to feel lonelier and more isolated wondering if things will ever get better.
How Our Thinking Influences Our Social Anxiety
The good news is there is hope! Decades of research has shown there are effective treatments for social anxiety (also known as social phobia) such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). One key tenant of CBT is how our thinking influences our feelings. For example, a common thought many with social anxiety suffer from is a fear others will see them as dumb or stupid even for small mishaps or misspoken words. An individual might think to themselves statements like:
“I totally stammered and everyone now thinks I’m an idiot.”
“No one spoke after I made my suggestion, because they all think I’m stupid.”
“Everyone can tell I’m embarrassed and anxious, I should come up with an emergency and just bail.”
These types of irrational thoughts (also called cognitive distortions) are a big influence on how we feel, especially the intensity of those feelings. So, what if we try to replace some of those irrational thoughts with more logical and realistic rebuttals? This is a key part of the model, and with practice and rehearsal, you can change your thinking. As you change your thinking, those socially anxious feelings start to lower as well.
Social Anxiety Treatment Focuses On Irrational Thoughts and Possible Rational Responses
So what could be some rational responses or rebuttals for these irrational thoughts?
Irrational Thought: “I really stammered for a bit and everyone thinks I’m an idiot.”
Possible Rational Responses: “No one says everything perfectly. My main point was clearly spoken” or “While I may have tripped up a bit, no one seemed to mind.”
Irrational Thought: “No one spoke after my suggestion, because they all think I’m stupid.”
Possible Rational Responses: “I am being very harsh on myself. People could simply be thinking and reflecting on what I said” or “I am mind reading and do not know exactly what everyone is thinking…that’s not fair.”
Irrational Thought: “Everyone can tell I’m embarrassed and anxious, I should come up with an emergency and just bail.”
Possible Rational Responses: “Even if people can tell I’m embarrassed, so what? What’s the worst that will happen?” Or “Even if some people can tell I’m anxious, many might be concerned and feel sympathetic towards me.”
Changing our Thinking Helps Reduce Our Social Anxiety
Learning what we say to ourselves and changing it over time can be very helpful in social anxiety treatment. Identifying those cognitive distortions and really focusing on those replacements or rebuttals make a world of difference. The more you practice gently replacing those negative thoughts with more realistic ones, you will find your anxiety starts to dissipate. Even a 10% reduction can feel really good.
So give this a try, and see if you can come up with a more gentle rational response to your negative thinking.
If you find yourself struggling in social situations or just want to feel more confident at work, social anxiety therapy at Sequoia Counseling Group can help. Reach out today for a free consultation with one of our experienced therapists. If you are in the Las Vegas, NV area, we offer in-person and virtual options. For anyone in the states of Nevada, California, and Virginia, telehealth is also open to you.
About The Author
Dr. Philip B. Gnilka is the Clinical Director and Founder of Sequoia Counseling Group, a boutique mental health practice that serves clients in Las Vegas, NV. His experience as a tenured professor in mentoring students about counseling approaches and theories reinforced his passion for helping individual clients directly. He specializes in anxiety, stress management, and perfectionism.